I realize that I have not posted in an inexcusably long period of time. I've had several ideas for ground breaking posts that were supposed to make up for the fact that I have slacked off for a month or so, but as most positive and creative things come in my life-- that is not the case. This post comes as I sit at 12:36 in the morning, unable to sleep, listening to Keane and eating humus, my mind flooded with a million thoughts.
The listening to Keane is no coincidence actually, I started listening to the CD on an almost exclusive repeat in my car about a year ago-- about the time that I started this blog. Last Thursday I found myself sitting next to Matt at the bar, both of us starring forward and pensively sipping our drinks, more being thought than being said, Matt remarked, "A lot has changed in a year. Hasn't it?"
Indeed. A lot has changed. Since I won't describe everything in my life that's changed-- I'll confine it to this page. This page has served many purposes over that time. Confessional, manifesto, stage, comedy routine, drafting board. It's been a subject of conversation, it's caused contraversy, been the source of anxiety, and according to Wendy was a contributing source of interest in me at least in terms of getting her on the telephone. I've done book reviews, I've done comedy, I've written my most private frustrations that led to my Mom sending me concerned emails the next morning and good friends telling me why I was wrong about my vexations. What I have recycled from this page led to my publication in the law school newspaper The Docket and led to the fact that I now find myself as editor-in-chief of that same publication.
Forthcoming will be a post about law school. Something for general consumption that I plan to use in the opening issue of the Docket. First though, I thought I'd say here-- as third year begins, I realize how much changes each year. Old friends I see less of, goals realized and abandoned, old love forgotten and new love clutched onto tightly. The same friends I once sat drinking hurricanes with all sunday afternoon and watching football, going to brothers meetings and making fun of guys we knew were jerks, I now call and talk about careers and the meaning of work and life. I suppose it's really not that different in some respects-- we just are busier.
I find many memories of college and high school rushing through my brain more than ever before. Hurts and unpleasant...tough times, things I tried to bury at one time I now let wash over me remembering sharp pains and disappointments, for reasons I couldn't honestly tell you. Memories of people lost fade a little more every year. Stories are all I have of the good times at this point, although unfortunately the pain of the bad times and the losing times are as sharp as a shard of broken glass puncturing the soft part of my foot.
A lot can change in a year. As I look forward, I know there are those I will lose as I lost before. Friends whose relationship though strong, was contingent upon a time and place. I anticipate the challenges ahead of me. Part of me wished they weren't there, but I know I chose this path and now I have to face them. Some of them of them are academic, some of them are not. Will I be able to maintain the relationships that are most important to me? Family, love, friends? Time can only tell and I can only give the best I have give.
A lot can change in a year.
What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries?
Mere killing would be too light. Anniversaries are very well up to a certain
point, while one's babies are in the process of growing up: they are joy-flags
that make gay the road and prove progress; and one looks down the fluttering
rank with pride. Then presently one notices that the flagstaffs are in process
of a mysterious change of some sort--change of shape. Yes, they are turning
into milestones. They are marking something lost now, not gained. From that
time on it were best to suppress taking notice of anniversaries.
- Mark Twain Notebook, 1896