Sanity Hearing

Happy Anniversary

While I will have you know I did not forget Wendy/My one year anniversary, I did forget to buy her a card.  Cards don't really seem important to men I suppose, or at least not me.  I figured there are so many different types of cards out there that it makes it hard to decide how to send your message, but given the medium, I am freed from this constraint.  Thus, here are variety of different cards to Wendy on our anniversary.  The first is above.  I call it the Dawson's Creek edition.  I am not sure why, except that it really seems like this card would have been really hip during the time period when Dawson's Creek was on TV.  I could be off on this since I never watched that show, but this card has a real turn of the millenium appeal to me.  The late 90's was not really a good time for me personally, so this card is no good.

I call this card "Nature Boy".  As a waspy preppy-type, I like the tasteful, minimalistic style as well as the sweet pink background that I feel would be a good color for a pair of pants or maybe a hat.  The downside with this card is that it looks like something that every grandmother you've ever met has framed in her bathroom to compliment the matching floral wallpaper and decrotive soap.  I seriously cannot see myself writing anything inside this card to send to Wendy.  Even if it was the most meaningful thing ever I would still look at this card and feel like my "Gran" should have glued a dollar bill to the inside.

I call this card the Patriot.  It says:  "Happy Anniversay!  It's been an amazing year of getting to know you and fighting terrorism!"  Now that I look at this card it just says congratulations, but whatever- I feel like this card could only conceivably be used as an invite to a Fourth of July party thrown by someone from Kansas.  Plus, now that I think about it some more- this card came up under a search for Anniversary cards and it says "congratulations".  That seems kind of mean doesn't it?  I am not sure whether that would be really arrogant or really condescending- like "Congratulations!  you've put up with me for a whole year!"  Hmm...on second thought this could potentially be a contender.

I call this one- new years eve wedding.  I don't understand this theme.  Maybe it's because I am too young or something, but it does not seem romantic at all.  Plus, it does not really seem to make very much sense...shouldn't there be holding hands or something, maybe some swans frolicing?  I feel like this one is like -- "We've been together X years, let's PAR-TEE!!" Moving on...

At first glance I thought this one looked kind of classy.  Then I was like, "wait a minute..."  It's two bottles of Champagne- as an, one for each person.  Basically you are saying: "We've been together X.  God, I've got to get smashed!"  Sort of like the last one, I am not very into the message it is sending.

I just threw this in for giggles since I am not Jewish.  Funny enough, this is probably the most neutral card so far.  The thing I can't understand as someone who isn't jewish though is why you'd want a card with a religious symbol on it for an anniversary.  I mean, I don't see people sending cards with crosses or Buhda's on them.  I guess it's a jewish thing.

In the end- no card is really right for what I want to say or should say to Wendy.  I don't feel like our relationship can be summed up by something I buy at CVS and write a few short lines in and sign.  We've been together for a year, which is longer than I've ever been with anyone else.  It has been a tremendous journey we've taken together.  You've changed my life and you've become extremely important to me.  More importantly, you continue to challenge me, love me, support me and I am extremely grateful for those things.

I love you and I hope that this first year is just the beginning.

Final Final

It's late and I am bleary eyed.  Diet coke, iTunes, and a dull sense of dread are all that keep me lucid.  As I write this I am in the midst of my final (in the sense that it is the last one) exam in my law school career.  It is a 72 hour take home in Partnership and Corporate Tax, a class which while interesting at time, I generally found utterly confusing.

Somewhat ironically, tax has probably been my favorite subject in law school so obviously it was with a slow disappointment that I found myself more and more bewildered by this class.  But now, I find myself in the midst of the exam for this class- perhaps one of the most challenging I've ever taken and it happens to be the last one I will ever take.

I will not reveal any of the content of the exam, but in many ways it represents what attracts me most to tax and also what I feel is its biggest drawback.  On the one hand tax is essentially a very complex puzzle.  Each code section or rule combined with its regulations are like the holes into which the peg of your particular business or situation must fit into and what I enjoy is, for lack of a better phrase- the making of that peg fit into the right hole.  On the other hand, imagine that all these holes are interconnected and have effects on each other- like the teeth inside a lock- just because a key fits some of the teeth, does not mean the lock will open.  Often the situation becomes maddeningly complex because of some seemingly irrelevant detail.

It had not really even occurred to me until I was already halfway through that this was it.  It is ultimately an empty victory given the impending bar exam, but it's something.

I pulled out my copy of Hunter S. Thompson's Hell's Angels: A Strange and Terrible Saga today during a moment of distraction.  I had promised to loan it to a friend and I relished in the excuse to step away from the computer.  Flipping through the Post Script, something rang true tonight:

I agreed and wished them luck.  I wanted no part of it- not even with a shotgun.  I was tired, swollen and whipped.  My face looked like it had been jammed into the spokes of a speeding Harley, and the only thing keeping me awake was a broken rib.

It had been a bad trip... fast and wild in some momnets, slow and dirst in others, but on balance it looked like a bummer.  On my way back to San Francisco, I tried to compose a fitting epitaph.  I wanted something original, but there was no escaping the echo of Mistah Kurtz' final workds form the heart of darkness: "The horror!...Exterminate all the brutes!"

Real Life Politico

Ok, this will likely end up being a very very odd post in the sense that it will address several unrelated points in a fashion that unfortunately, but unavoidably, does not really constitute great writing (at least initially). 

First,  I have not posted in a long time.  I know.  I am actually wondering if anyone actually still reads the page or not other people randomly googling my Mayor Menino quote or people trying to get information on how to beat a felony charge.  I have been busy and a lot of stuff has been going on in my life.  All in all for the last couple months I have felt uninspired to write and a lot of what I was interested in did not lend itself to becoming interesting blog material.  Exams are coming/are already going on and the bar is coming up this summer.  I feel this may end up providing some interesting material so hopefully I will provide some material.

Second,  I am actually facing some questions about whether "Sanity Hearing" will continue.  All in all this page was about my experience in law school and like it or not that experience is coming to an end.  As much as I like the name, I feel somewhat like starting over fresh.  Additionally, it may seem obvious but I have sort of run out of material in line with what this was originally concieved for at its inception.  I wanted it to kind of be the chronicles and musings of a law student kind of looking for the meaning of life and going through the stuff that is typical to every law student such as summer internships, particular classes, etc.  To some extent though, much of this last year I've faced a lot of stuff that made life tougher than that of your run of the mill law student, but I didn't feel like complaining about it to the whole world.  Additionally, a lot of the funny things I have seen (like at work) increasingly have been things I know I should not put on the internet.  Somewhat like Matt (and other bloggers I've seen in the past), I realize I've stagnated here somewhat and I know that in order to energize my creative juices I need a new project or avenue.  For now, I am going to close out the year with Sanity Hearing, but I think without making this more dramatic than it warrants, I'll probably end up starting something new later this year either in conjunction with this site or in place of it.  I am not sure which at this point.

Three,  any of you who read this are invited to my graduation.  Contact me directly if you are interested.  I have a funny feeling that includes possibly only Conor and Hyde.

Four,  as you have read, I will be graduating from law school and I am going to be looking for a job (I actually already am) after I take the bar exam.  Thus any new project I start runs a good chance of being about life as a young country lawyer getting started here in New England.

Five,  a lot of my writing interest right now is actually aimed towards Derek's campaign.  I've only written one thing so far, but I am hoping to write more.  For a lot of reasons I am really hopeful that Derek is successful in his candidacy for state representative in Connecticut.  A lot of it has to do with defying the odds which seemed really daunting to me in law school and upon which I think I reflected a fair amount on this page.  My hope (whether Derek will feel comfortable with this or not-- I don't know) is to use this page as a drafting board for some posts that will end up going on Derek's campaign blog (which you can see at Derek's campaign blog).  Hopefully, that can be some small way I contribute to the whole thing. 

Thus, without further ado I give you my first pro-Derek propaganda article:

Why Vote For Derek Donnelly?

Why vote for Derek Donnelly?  It probably seems like a good question if you are a voter in the 61^st district of Connecticut.  So here is the answer:  when you boil down Derek’s campaign to its essential elements, the essence of what this whole run for state representative is about, beyond the policy, beyond the talking points and the platform, and it is about young, passionate, hardworking people being the right choice for government.  In an age where more and more millionaires are running for office, I think that we need to ask ourselves as citizens, as voters, whether what is best for us is a government run by those who have the least to gain by putting in the extra effort to develop new policies and plan for the next generation.

Sometimes people are best defined by what they are not and what I can tell you right away that Derek is not a millionaire, he is not from a family of connected politicos, and he has not gotten where he is because anyone handed him the position.  Derek is one of the hardest working people I have ever met, getting through law school while working for the Jewish Federation of Greater Hartford, working on Joe Lieberman’s campaign, and finally working for Mayor Eddie Perez of

Hartford

.  Derek is that rare example of someone who has found something he is extremely passionate about working at and has done so, often to the point that it is astounding he has found the time to have a regular life.

            Ultimately what voters face is a choice about who will most effectively represent them.  In this case the choice is between reelecting a representative who has served a long and respectable tenure and electing a young, fresh face who is extremely passionate about the work he would be doing. In my opinion, choosing young, passionate, hardworking people for government is always the best possible choice.  In his final year of law school, when most students are taking it easy, Derek has not only managed to fit in the time to run a campaign with little or no help, he has managed to do so out of his apartment, managed to also run for the board of finance, run Eileen Moncrief’s bid for First Selectman of Suffield, and all the while- he managed to out fundraise his opponent (and get engaged). 

            Additionally, I think it seems crucial to why Derek is a the right choice for state representative that Derek and his fiancé Michaela are the type of people who ultimately characterize the young families that will be the future of our community for the next 30 or 40 years.  They are the people that will buy their first homes in Suffield, send their children to school in our public schools, use our libraries, our parks, and also foot the bill for all of the programs that our government will implement for the coming decades.  Derek is passionate about being your state representative, because this position is about a lot more than a job for him. It is about the quality of life in his hometown.  It is about buying a home in the same town that he grew up in, it is about taking his children to play baseball at the same field that his dad coached him on, it is about preserving the same quality of education that brought him and his peers to where they are today: doctors, lawyers, police officers, accountants, nurses, and hopefully- the next state representative of the 61^st District of Connecticut. It is time for the voters of the district to choose a representative who will vigorously strive to preserve and improve our district for the next generation, and that is why I am proud to support Derek.

Block

Writer's block.  That's what I have right now.  I have had it for a pretty long time too.

I am not sure where to put the blame for this either.  Not that the blame truly belongs to any person other than myself.  In large part law school is to blame, rather obviously.  But it is not the sole perpertrator.  This year has been a crazy ride that has often left me feeling like what I imagine taking a whole lot of cheap speed leaves you feeling.  School with extra credits, part times jobs, not really knowing what next year is going to bring.  On top of all this, when I do have free time, I am generally calling people on the phone to have a conversation, rather than writing something on the internet.

I do miss writing more frequently on this blog though.  There is something very cathartic about writing for me, something very soothing and calming for my mind in much the same way that reading has a calming effect on me.  I have found at many times when I am depressed or anxious or in any way perturbed that if I sit down and read something (law books, unfortunately do not seem to have this effect) I find the experience leaves me very much at ease.

But the thing is-- over the last few months, when I go to write on this blog, I find myself generally wanting to write some sort of broad and grand ode to what it is like to be a third year law student and to finally be getting out of school and blah blah, friggin blah.  The reality is I can sum up for you how I feel pretty succintly and it wouldn't take up much of an entry at all:  I feel very tired, I feel very burnt out, I feel kind of fat, and I feel like I have drank entirely too much coffee in a short period of time.  Honestly, it isn't all that fascinating and I feel like I am whining when I talk about it.  On the other hand, I suppose I could tell what lessons I have learned from school, but these things tend to be spontaneous for one thing and for another I am not sure I could tell you what it is that I have learned yet.  Like a lot of things I have learned, I really have no idea what I have learned from law school yet.

So- I am not sure what the point of this post was except to explain my not posting.  But there it is...and um...we're done.

The Man in the Mirror

A lot of times lately, I look in the mirror and I see someone very different from the person I was not very long ago.  I cannot help but frequently think these days that law school will be over in just a few months and yet it sometimes seems like I only started yesterday. 

One of the things that I think was most difficult for me heading into law school was an impression that for many of us, many students, the process involves a certain amount of personal change.  Looking back, I recognize that I am one of those people who had to change.  As I think I mentioned in a previous post, my mother said something to me the other day about the "education" I have received in law school- to which I responded I do not think I have in fact received an education, but rather it has been a four year hazing process.  Looking back, I would say that as much as I have learned a great deal in law school substantively, the more significant yield of the whole experience has been the way it has reshaped me in certain ways. 

I realize of course that it has been only three years.  I also realize that for some people the "reshaping" may be less profound and to them this post may seem like an exaggeration.  However, to me the experience I have had has made a dramatic change in the way I look at the world as well as the way I look at work, goals, values, and a lot of other things.  In many ways I do not consider this to be that profound of a statement.  I think law school bears some resemblances to other prolonged  intensive training periods like boot camp or maybe medical school.

Another funny aspect of this reshaping is that as the excercise has gone on, my perception of the people around me has changed.  People I have relied on or who have been there in times where this experience was particularly challenging or draining have made their invaluability in my mind clear.  At the same time, I have frequently seen my own failings as a person in terms of the relationships I have not kept up simply because it was inconvieniant.  Finally, I have seen my perception of a great many acquaintainces change.  To explain- I think in a sense I just find it more difficult to speak with an old college buddy living off somewhere doing a 9-5 job, going out all the time, and living the post-college yuppie life less enjoyable than my occassional short conversations with the Phd student, the forth year night school law student,  the family member, or the significant other.

In some ways I think I may be getting colder.  At certain points in this process I sat with my mom near tears over my frustration with the whole process, but somewhere along the line I had to move past that frustration and the result I think may be a person who forces himself to see things in less emotional terms.  I suppose it is not surprising though- the first day of law school you learn to in many ways suspend you ethics and assume the role of the advocate of any position regardless of right or wrong.  At this point, in my limited work experience I can say that I have done work for both the right, the wrong, and the completely absurd and meritless.

In the end, I know that looking ahead I can only wonder what changes are to come and hope for the best.

Don't Learn Anything?

This semester I am taking a class called Pre-Trial Practice.  It's essentially a mock-trial process, only it is the period prior to the trial as opposed to during the trial.  From what I have learned in my part time job as well as what every professor has ever told me, the time prior to trial is really the most important part of the legal process in this country.  For example, some incredibly small percentage like 5% of cases in the Federal court system actually go to trial.  In telling my friend Fitz about this class, a guy who works as a legal assistant doing much of this "pre-trial" practice every day, we remarked on how ironic it is that such a class as this would only be offered to 3rd or 2nd year law students, when arguably this is one of the most essential aspects of what a lawyer does on a day to day basis.

Fitz further said that from his experience, law school does not teach you a thing that you need to know for practice as a lawyer.  My attitude is somewhat more reserved than that, though I am tempted to agree with Fitz.  A lawyer I worked with this summer said that, "When you graduate from law school and pass the bar, you are not a lawyer.  You are a lawyer in training."  I actually told the career services dean at the law school that and he heartily agreed saying, "Yes, you are like medical interns at that point who are not really doctors until the residency is over."

In the last year of law school I find myself having strange thoughts about what I actually learned in law school.  My mom said something to me the other day about what I am, "learning," but the reality is that a lot of the time it feels less like an education and more like a hazing ritual.  If you survive you get into the club, if you don't...well then you better look for another job. 

For now I come to the conclusion that I try to learn as much as I can, but frequently what you actually learn from school or a job has a lot less to do with the text books and the tests, than with figuring out who you are and what you want to do.

0-60 in 2 seconds...

Going back to school after a break is always challenging.  After a couple weeks of free time, the ability to unwind a little bit, and spend quality time with those important to you, you generally start to feel your mood improve and the crippling back knots in your back begin to soften.  However, I will admit that as break ended, there were moments I felt bored and even depressed.  Maybe it is just a case of falling into the routine of years of school and work, or maybe I just secretly have a type-A personality, but part of me misses the grind a little bit- or maybe just the challenge.

However, as I return to school this week, the hardest thing for me is to hit the ground running at full speed.  The amount of stuff on my plate this semester is just out of control.  Last semester was probably one of the most challenging I have faced so far, and frankly this semester seems prospectivelyat least as  challenging.  In the shower this morning I was feeling a pang of guilt run through me for not being productive this week so far, not attacking the tasks at hand with the sort of wild dog-attacking-raw-meat mentality I know I need.  But then I realized, the truth is I have been working really hard, just not hard enough.

As I see it- it's a problem of acceleration.  Much like a car, your brain often takes a certain amount of time to get up to speed.  Unfortunately, I seem to be realizing my brain seems to be a diesel: extremely poor excelleration, but good towing capacity and fuel efficiency. 

As you can see, the same situation applies to the quality of writing on this blog.  I hope to do better as I get back into the swing of things.

Vonnegut

I really love Kurt Vonnegut.  I am reading Slaughterhouse 5 right now and I am enjoying it tremendously.  In fact, over the course of the past 3 days I have nearly finished the book.  Which is not to say that I have been slacking off- it's just not a very long book.

There are certain books or authors like Vonnegut that I feel like reading their books is like eating cool ranch doritos- I just can never get enough and I always enjoy them.

Vonnegut, particularly in Slaughterhouse 5 has so many great little lines and funny thoughts and concepts.  I frequently feel like flagging paragraphs and reposting them here on the ol' blog, but I finally came to the conclusion that is probably some sort of copyright problem and instead I just urge you all to buy your own copy of this book.

Gripes with Grades Part II

About this time or so last year I wrote a post about my systemic problem with the whole idea of grading.  To summarize my feelings, I think we pretty much all know that grades are highly subjective measurements of whether students actually "learn" something from the classes they are taking.  Additionally, I posit that grades might even potentially be deterimental because they discourage creativity and true academic exploration, because students are most highly rewarded for focusing on a regurgitation of the material that the instructor is interested in, rather than a critical exploration of areas of the subject that are of interest to the student.

I still hold this belief, though I think in the past year I have increasingly been less concerned with toppling the system and instead just trying to work the system.  As grades have been coming in over the past few weeks I reminded again of how subjective grading can be.  During the fall semester I took a ridiculous 17 credits, while I maintained a part time job and worked as a research assistant.  I am not looking for sympathy, but merely trying to point out that I really had to economize the amount of time I spent working on each subject over the last couple of months.  In school today I stopped and spoke with one very smart classmate who was in my Real Estate Transactions class.  We both remarked that we had received B's (something I am pretty prowd of), but also how subjective the whole process was.  I had worked very hard on each of the projects assigned for this class, especially the last one which I did by myself while most people did the project as a group.  I definitely earned my grade in terms of the effort I put into each project.  On the other hand, I also recieved a C in my Banking Law class.  something which really chaps my ass.  On the one hand, I am happy I received a nice safe C.  However, when I thought about 1.  The fact that I knew much of what we studied in this class already from college, 2.  I could tell from the final presentations in this class that I knew more than about 80% of the people in this class about my topic, 3.  How much time and effort I put into my final paper and how all three of these things were cancelled out by the fact that the professor had some sort of mysterious dislike for me.

In the end, the subjectivity of grades can end up being a double edged sword.  I know I have received good grades because professors liked me or knew I had worked hard and although I realized how this might be "wrong,"  I smiled all the way to the bank.

Book Reviews

Over break I had the opportunity to actually do a fair amount of pleasure reading.  Over the past semester the amount of time I spent reading things that were not for school took a sharp dive about half way through the term and it actually ened up taking me an unusal two months to finish Middlesex, by Geoffery Euginides [writer of the Virgin Suicides].

I had no shortage of books to read, as I am addicted to Amazon's effective combination of personally tailored recommendations and there very low cost used books option.  Despite the fact that I have probably 4-5 books sitting unread, I constantly am looking at new material on Amazon, a practice that Wendy once pointed out to me is somewhat futile, as she suggested I read the books I already own first.  Additionally, I somewhat regreted my Amazon patronage as I visited The Book Cellar in Brattleboro, VT over break.  It is a great book store where the staff picks as well as the general selection is both unusual and of very high quality.  As I browsed the books while in Vermont over break I was struck with the unfortunate situation of these small bookstores that offer such good material being driven out of business by the Amazon's of the world that out compete them simply because of the volume that the sell.  Regardless, I would like to start patronizing these smaller bookstores again, but for now I guess my excuse is poverty.

Enough rambling though.  On to the reviews:

John Stewart.  America: Democracy Inaction.

This book was actually a gift from Conor.  Also, I finished this book before break.  As I sat giggling the whole way through the book cover to cover, I was brough back to the days when I loved reading Dave Barry.  I would laugh so hard that I would want to read passages to my parents or friends, only to be unable to read alound because I would break into laughter.  I am not sure if this is really a "book" in the sense of most of the books I read.  It was set up in a very funny satire of your common middle school American Studies/Government text book.  I believe anyone would find this book comical, regardless of political affiliation if they enjoy politics or if they are a fan of the popular Daily Show hosted by John Stewart on Comedy Central.  If you are a fan of politics (or at least interested in politics) you will probably find this book especially funny as I did.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez.  One Hundred Years of Solitude.

I read this book for a variety of reasons.  The main reason was that when I went to see Salman Rushdie speak last spring, he said in the question and answer portion of his talk that this was one of the three books he would bring with him to a desert island, which I considered to be a pretty strong endorsement-- especially from such an icon as Rushdie.  Additionally, this book won the Nobel Prize in 1982 and has the somewhat more dubious honor of being in "Oprah's Book Club."  Also, in case you are interested Tom Hanks is reading the book in the very beginning of the hilarious Turner and Hooch.

O.Y.O.S. was one of those books that I know was a great novel, but I cannot tell you it grabben me in the same way some of my favorites have.  Not to say that I am in anyway saying I was disappointed.  The prose and method of storytelling in this book is incredibly rich and unusual.  Over and over again I found that the book not only told me a story and brought me to a different place, but also brought me to a somewhat different reality.

I also found the book very interesting because of the, albeit somewhat indirect, commentary on Latin American history and culture.  In college I did a large portion of my history major on Latin American history, which is in my opinion something most Americans do not know a great deal about post-spanish colonialism.  The book does a good job of talking about the involvement of American/European business interests in Latin America in a way that is both interesting and also disturbing.

Finally, although my travels in Latin America were very very brief, my visit to Maraciabo, Venezuela and some of the surrounding areas gave me a chance to see a Latin America that I felt reflected in this book.

One Hundred Years of Solitude can be a challenging read (in my opinion), but ultimately a very rewarding one.

Al Franken.  The Truth, with Jokes.

This book was a Christmas gift from Wendy's parents.  I was very excited to get this book because when I had read the back cover of it in Target one afternoon, I started cracking up just by reading the back of the dust jacket.

Now, I am guessing some of you may not agree with Franken and may already be looking down your nose at me for reading this or including it my reviews, but let me say this:

1.  This book was very very funny.  Especially if you like Franken's dry humor, it is hard to to laugh out loud and be consistently entertained by this book.

2.  Franken does a very good job of being critical of the present administration and among other things, the war in Iraq.

I do not feel the need to explain #1, so I am going to move onto #2.  As I have admitted before, I was pretty strongly against Clinton while he was in office.  I would honestly say that I have grown increasingly liberal as the Bush administration has remained in power.  Thus, I think my enthusiasm for this book does not come so much from some sort of partisanship, but rather from a predisposition of always being critical of those in power.  Personally, I see this as a good thing.  People in power, such as George W. Bush or John Kerry for that matter, are, I am sorry- not every day people.  The majority of white men running our country are extremely wealthy, to an extent that you and I will likely never achieve in our life times and owe their positions in large part to advantages they have had since birth that are not available to everyone.  I am not saying this is a univeral truth, but it is certainly very common.  Commentators like Franken do a good job of, if nothing else, pointing out the errors, inconsistencies, and more importantly- fraudulent or untruthful behavior of those in power.  I do not see any of this as inherently awful-- but I do think that the watchdog function is invaluable.  While you may question Franken's objectivity, I think he does a good job of being entertaining while uncovering important facts.

Additionally- the chapters that Franken devotes to DeLay and Abramoff is eerie to me this week as DC lobbyist Abramoff is indicted.