I'm a bad bad man.

Halloween was last night, but of course Matt and I are not exactly the world's most responsible people. We did not have costumes, and more importantly we did not have candy. We assumed that no one would come to our house for Halloween, because honestly I have never seen any little kids walking around my street at night. In fact I think you have a better chance of seeing a drug bust going down on our street then you do seeing little kids playing hopscotch any time after sundown.

Anyways, much to our suprise, around 6 p.m. some trick or treaters did arrive at our appartment.
Unfortunately, the trick or treaters had already spied Matt sitting by the window by our front door. Matt and I both ran to the back of the apartment in a panic. Initially our plan was to hide. However, upon further inspection the kids were not relenting. They had seen Matt, and they dammit they were going to get their candy.

Frantically we searched our kitchen. Would kids take this canned Chef Boyarde that we'll never eat? Maybe some crunched up Special K that I never finished? Finally I found a case of Sunmaid Raisins I never opened. It was one of those things I had bought at the supermarket intending to be healthy, but then never consumed while at home, instead stopping at Dunkin Donuts for my usual bagel with cream cheese.

Finally I opened the front door to confront the trick or treaters. "Sorry, we weren't expecting anyone!" I said apologetically. Thankfully the kids were either too young or too indifferent to care what I was giving them as I distributed a box of raisins to each of their outstretched pillow cases.

Later I told a few people what happened and their disgust was universal. "I can't believe you did that!" One person actually told me they would wait while I went and got my change jar, because if anymore kids came I should just give them a handful of money.

Sorry trick or treaters. I was so that guy that I hated as a kid trick or treating last night. The guy giving out fruit or possibly a new toothbrush. I deserve your contempt and I apologize.

Comments

[Conor]

could have been worse, you could have given out a stapler

[J.P.]

Yes that's true. Although sadly, these days I might think a stapler was pretty good. Why- giving away stolen office supplies at your house Conor???

[Bradford]

I had a similar situation in college once. I had to give out a couple cans of soda before I got the porch light turned out. Luckily I realized that giving the kids cigarettes or beer probably wouldn't be the best idea.