Pissed About Pennies

It was tuesday afternoon.  I stepped outside of my office into the heat and sunshine and began walking in a loop around the front of the building.  I had received my new free cell phone yesteday and obviously I was excited to make a few lunchtime phone calls.   After just two or three minutes of walking I realized what a terrible head I have for numbers and came to the conclusion that I only knew about 3 or 4 numbers by memory.  After a number of failed attempts to call three or four people, I called Derek, whose voicemail I actually reached- a good sign that I remembered his number.  I left Derek a short number and then called my mom to see how she was doing.

Later when I returned to my desk after chatting with the mom for a while, I received a voicemail on my confusing new phone from Derek.  Apparently he had been unable to answer his phone previously because he was cruising along the Mass Turnpike when it occurred to him he would need to pay a toll, and alas, he did not have any cash with him.  Thus, he apparently pulled over at a rest stop and began counting out pennies from the ashtray in his outrageously yellow car.  He then had to exchange the pennies at the rest stop store because the Pike will not take pennies as payment.  Derek's message ended by expressing his feeling that this failure to accept pennies was, "unconstitutional".  Of course I was at first concerned that after three years of law school Derek considered this "unconstitutional", but then I turned to considering the more important question of pennies- that's right pennies.

Have pennies simply been relegated to the vast cultural trash heap of the past?  Something we pick up for good luck or throw in fountains?  Most people I know, including myself, have vast jars of pennies in their room, have pennies, filling the ash trays of their car and the bottom of book bags and change purses.  More and more pennies don't seem to even be accepted as legal tender in places where other change is still taken.  The maddening reality of this situation is that the federal government is breaking their deal, so far as I am concerned-- if pennies are actually legal tender for all debts public and private, then by god I should be able to fill a parking meter with the little buggers-- even if it takes me two hours.

One major concern I have witht he penny problem is the income people are receiving, but not investing or spending- this can't possibly be good for the economy.  On top of that most people would gladly even accept a small dip in value if they could somehow use their pennies for some actual purpose other than jar filling.  My suggestion is one of the following: 

1.  Campaign finance:  People always seem to always want to change the situation with campaign finance, such as providing more funding for third party or underfunded candidates.  What better way to kill two birds with one stone-- all campaigns must be funded with pennies.  The way I see it, this will keep politicians and their campaigns focused on rolling up the pennies rather than attacking each other or saying ridiculous things.  In addition, we will more than likely not have to be concerned with corruption because most extremely wealthy people or enron executives keep their funds in electronic form as opposed to penny form, thus I feel their influence would become limited.

2.  Repaying national debt:  Ever try to pay someone back with pennies?  One time my brother Michael lost a bet to me on and tried to pay me entirely in pennies (well, mostly pennies).  Since I am a real bastard, I took the pennies just to prove a point (he lost the bet), but a lot of people would be like, "Forget it- I don't care."  Try it some time- walk into a gas station and attempt to pay for a tank of gas with unrolled pennies-- they will not be pleased.  I suggest we start doing this with our foreign bond holders such as China and Japan.  When we start trying to pay them back entirely in unrolled pennies, I picture these creditors reacting by just telling us to pay later.

3.  Keep Bono busy:  Listen, I am a big a U2 fan as anyone if we are talking about the old stuff- like z00ropa or Joshua Tree, but Bono has gone insane- face it.  Not only has he started his own hedge fund, he never seems to shut up about third world debt relief.  Not that I have anything against this cause- in fact I support it.  I just remember a couple months ago I was in the gym watching CNBC with the sound off when I saw some sort of economic conference and in walks some U.S. diplomat, Bill Gates, and...Bono with a feather boa and some ridiculous looking glasses that make him look like a WWF character.  My feeling is that by just donating all our pennies to Bono, we would keep him busy rolling them up in his castle somewhere in Ireland instead of appearing in public.  Everyone wins.

4.  Parking meters:  I am telling you- constitutional amendment: all parking meters MUST accept pennies.  Paying for parking is absolutely ridiculous, but more and more I see these "Quarters Only" meters, which is just absolutely cruel.  On top of that a recent front page Boston Herald article reported that the boston parking authority has failed to collect revenue in the tens fo MILLIONS.  The solution: ACCEPT PENNIES.  I am telling you, there will be no problem collecting parking fees if you accept pennies.  In fact people will gladly park in metered spots and pay just so they can get rid of the little copper discs.  Problem SOLVED.

Comments

[J.P.]

Credit to Wendy for saying Bono is insane.

[Matt]

I still use pennies, and if I dont it is because I think they are a pain in the ass, that is why we jar them, not because they are not accepted, but because nobody likes counting them out, including you.

[J.P.]

Yeah, I don't really enjoy carrying them around-- that much is true. But I don't really like carrying around change period. Thing is- you ever notice how many exclusively coin operated machines won't let you use pennies? Ridiculous.

[Matt]

Not to bash your idea here, but obviously coin operated machines dont take pennies.

1. Who would want to put 100 pennies in a machine one at a time to get a soda.

2. The change mechanism in the machine would fill way too quick if pennies could be used.

3. Nobody likes to count pennies, not the person putting them in the machine or the one taking them out.

Pennies exist for one simple reason, in order to make accurate change we need a one cent denomination, without it our money system just wouldnt work. But, there is no reason to make coin-op machines penny accessible, it would ruin the coin-op becuase everything would be out of order all the time, full of pennies.

[J.P.]

Ok, granted, I can see your point that in certain situations, such as a soda vending machine, pennies are a pain. But in other situations, like tolls on the highway or parking meters, I don't think it should matter. The machines used in those situations are designed to count and organize the change to begin with, so what's the harm of making them accept pennies. I suppose the downside is that if they are not presently designed to do so, then the investment in equipment to make the change would make the whole concept somewhat impractical.

[J.P.]

Also, keep in mind I am joking around here. I know none of this stuff is going to actually happen. My basic point is in certain situations having to pay or pay exact change is maddening period, thus I would prefer to pay in pennies-- i.e. parking meters, tolls, tuition, etc.

[Wendy]

I think I have figured out why the idea of the penny in contemporary society is insane (further supporting more than one of your arguments, J.P., not Matt's), please read the following:

"There is much history before any coin was named a “penny” that will tell us the lineal roots of the first penny. Before the penny there was King Pepin's (Carolingian of the Holy Roman Empire)novus denarius meaning new denarius. Before this was the Roman coin the denarius. and before this was the drachma, Greek in origin. Greek slaves who had previously minted the drachma minted the denarius. The novus denarius was based on the denarius and the penny was based on the novus denarius."

I think it's pretty safe to say that it derives itself from that "crazy" Italian culture.

[Matt]

That supports absolutely nothing, and says even less. I explained why the penny exists, it seems pretty simple to me, try giving 97 cents change without it. A parking meter would fill up in about 10 minutes with pennies, thus taking up lots of space with the least valuable coin.

[Matt]

In addition, you can use pennies at tolls, just not at the automated booths.

[Matt]

One more thing (slow day at work) the "crazy Italian" culture statement makes no sense, since the quote you put up clearly says the origin of the penny is Greek, not Italian.

[Wendy]

There seems to be more one cent coins produced than any other currency. However, modern society, which has been built around a concept of convenience, has made the use of these coins almost obsolete. Point taken, that if you buy something that is $5.01 --- and you pay with a one and a five dollar bill --- you will get all of your change back in coinage including those last four shiny copper ones. And I agree that this makes sense, however, the argument that you are trying to pose is ridiculous. We are all trying to say that pennies are an annoyance, but JP is going one step further and saying -- However, if the greater good decides to circulate these inane discs of value to represent a monetary denomination , then the greater good should also be obliged and - I believe - more than willing to accept them as a form of payment. You, as an American, or should I say Italian-American, apparently don't have the time to put one hundred pennies into a parking meter or vending machine as this is deemed an inconvenience. Or maybe it is that these coin mechanisms might keep you and the city government up at night figuring out ways to make them bigger to make more revenue from its citizens. Or maybe it's watching the poor guy who will have to take the bucket of pennies and throw it into the coin counter. Poor guy. I think that the option to use pennies for these purposes should remain open as the act of minting and circulating them still exists. As all of these things are obstacles to making this dream or blog a reality, the ridiculous nature of your hostility against making coin machines penny accessible is amazing. Still not smoking? Now, I think that argument holds much better ground than Joseph was an awesome Italian 'cause he was Jesus's foster daddy.
BTW, J/K in regards to the origin of pennies comment about crazy Italians. I could care either way as my step-Grandmother is Italian and I hate Bono. Really, I just think that Asian people are awesome.

[Wendy]

Romans derived their coin from the Greeks... Greek slaves later produced the Roman coin....the coin most closely related to a penny is the one which King Pepin created which was directly derived from the Roman version.

[Matt]

Well at least we know who the anonymous poster on the Irish v. Italian story was.

If my argument is so incorrect then let us really look at the question JP poses today, why is it that no machines accept pennies? Is it some kind of conspiracy, are the makers of these machines trying to be a pain in the ass, I think not. Because as you all well know, coin operated machines are not only made by government agencies, but also by private enterprises. Think of the thousands of coin-operated machines out there, virtually none of them accepting pennies. In this money driven society dont you think that if somebody thought there was a large profit opportunity for machines that accept pennies they would have made one. Yes they would have.

It is just not a viable option for the reasons I stated, mainly resource management. Pennies take up the most space and give the lowest return. And of course they are a pain in the ass to all.

I think it is more ridiculous that you and JP expect us all to loss out on the convenience of coin - operated machines, which surely would disapear when they are making their owners $10 a day filled with a thousand pennies, rather then 200-300 a day with the same amount of silver money.

[Wendy]

First, of all you are taking this way to seriously and if you have been paying attention to my IP address and to anything that I have been posting, you would know that I am not the anonymous poster. I am appalled that you would even accuse me of that. I may not be classy (in a P is for Porn reference) but I would never be afraid to speak my mind to someone's face.

I am finished commenting PERIOD.

[Matt]

I was really just kidding for all of that, laughing the entire time to be honest, even the anonymous post part. It was a joke. Relax. The P for porn thing has nothing to do with me. I really was just kidding.

[Bill]

Someone at Coinstar recognized this draconian penny oppression and turned it into an opportunity...