Sanity Hearing

Happy Anniversary

While I will have you know I did not forget Wendy/My one year anniversary, I did forget to buy her a card.  Cards don't really seem important to men I suppose, or at least not me.  I figured there are so many different types of cards out there that it makes it hard to decide how to send your message, but given the medium, I am freed from this constraint.  Thus, here are variety of different cards to Wendy on our anniversary.  The first is above.  I call it the Dawson's Creek edition.  I am not sure why, except that it really seems like this card would have been really hip during the time period when Dawson's Creek was on TV.  I could be off on this since I never watched that show, but this card has a real turn of the millenium appeal to me.  The late 90's was not really a good time for me personally, so this card is no good.

I call this card "Nature Boy".  As a waspy preppy-type, I like the tasteful, minimalistic style as well as the sweet pink background that I feel would be a good color for a pair of pants or maybe a hat.  The downside with this card is that it looks like something that every grandmother you've ever met has framed in her bathroom to compliment the matching floral wallpaper and decrotive soap.  I seriously cannot see myself writing anything inside this card to send to Wendy.  Even if it was the most meaningful thing ever I would still look at this card and feel like my "Gran" should have glued a dollar bill to the inside.

I call this card the Patriot.  It says:  "Happy Anniversay!  It's been an amazing year of getting to know you and fighting terrorism!"  Now that I look at this card it just says congratulations, but whatever- I feel like this card could only conceivably be used as an invite to a Fourth of July party thrown by someone from Kansas.  Plus, now that I think about it some more- this card came up under a search for Anniversary cards and it says "congratulations".  That seems kind of mean doesn't it?  I am not sure whether that would be really arrogant or really condescending- like "Congratulations!  you've put up with me for a whole year!"  Hmm...on second thought this could potentially be a contender.

I call this one- new years eve wedding.  I don't understand this theme.  Maybe it's because I am too young or something, but it does not seem romantic at all.  Plus, it does not really seem to make very much sense...shouldn't there be holding hands or something, maybe some swans frolicing?  I feel like this one is like -- "We've been together X years, let's PAR-TEE!!" Moving on...

At first glance I thought this one looked kind of classy.  Then I was like, "wait a minute..."  It's two bottles of Champagne- as an, one for each person.  Basically you are saying: "We've been together X.  God, I've got to get smashed!"  Sort of like the last one, I am not very into the message it is sending.

I just threw this in for giggles since I am not Jewish.  Funny enough, this is probably the most neutral card so far.  The thing I can't understand as someone who isn't jewish though is why you'd want a card with a religious symbol on it for an anniversary.  I mean, I don't see people sending cards with crosses or Buhda's on them.  I guess it's a jewish thing.

In the end- no card is really right for what I want to say or should say to Wendy.  I don't feel like our relationship can be summed up by something I buy at CVS and write a few short lines in and sign.  We've been together for a year, which is longer than I've ever been with anyone else.  It has been a tremendous journey we've taken together.  You've changed my life and you've become extremely important to me.  More importantly, you continue to challenge me, love me, support me and I am extremely grateful for those things.

I love you and I hope that this first year is just the beginning.

Block

Writer's block.  That's what I have right now.  I have had it for a pretty long time too.

I am not sure where to put the blame for this either.  Not that the blame truly belongs to any person other than myself.  In large part law school is to blame, rather obviously.  But it is not the sole perpertrator.  This year has been a crazy ride that has often left me feeling like what I imagine taking a whole lot of cheap speed leaves you feeling.  School with extra credits, part times jobs, not really knowing what next year is going to bring.  On top of all this, when I do have free time, I am generally calling people on the phone to have a conversation, rather than writing something on the internet.

I do miss writing more frequently on this blog though.  There is something very cathartic about writing for me, something very soothing and calming for my mind in much the same way that reading has a calming effect on me.  I have found at many times when I am depressed or anxious or in any way perturbed that if I sit down and read something (law books, unfortunately do not seem to have this effect) I find the experience leaves me very much at ease.

But the thing is-- over the last few months, when I go to write on this blog, I find myself generally wanting to write some sort of broad and grand ode to what it is like to be a third year law student and to finally be getting out of school and blah blah, friggin blah.  The reality is I can sum up for you how I feel pretty succintly and it wouldn't take up much of an entry at all:  I feel very tired, I feel very burnt out, I feel kind of fat, and I feel like I have drank entirely too much coffee in a short period of time.  Honestly, it isn't all that fascinating and I feel like I am whining when I talk about it.  On the other hand, I suppose I could tell what lessons I have learned from school, but these things tend to be spontaneous for one thing and for another I am not sure I could tell you what it is that I have learned yet.  Like a lot of things I have learned, I really have no idea what I have learned from law school yet.

So- I am not sure what the point of this post was except to explain my not posting.  But there it is...and um...we're done.

The Man in the Mirror

A lot of times lately, I look in the mirror and I see someone very different from the person I was not very long ago.  I cannot help but frequently think these days that law school will be over in just a few months and yet it sometimes seems like I only started yesterday. 

One of the things that I think was most difficult for me heading into law school was an impression that for many of us, many students, the process involves a certain amount of personal change.  Looking back, I recognize that I am one of those people who had to change.  As I think I mentioned in a previous post, my mother said something to me the other day about the "education" I have received in law school- to which I responded I do not think I have in fact received an education, but rather it has been a four year hazing process.  Looking back, I would say that as much as I have learned a great deal in law school substantively, the more significant yield of the whole experience has been the way it has reshaped me in certain ways. 

I realize of course that it has been only three years.  I also realize that for some people the "reshaping" may be less profound and to them this post may seem like an exaggeration.  However, to me the experience I have had has made a dramatic change in the way I look at the world as well as the way I look at work, goals, values, and a lot of other things.  In many ways I do not consider this to be that profound of a statement.  I think law school bears some resemblances to other prolonged  intensive training periods like boot camp or maybe medical school.

Another funny aspect of this reshaping is that as the excercise has gone on, my perception of the people around me has changed.  People I have relied on or who have been there in times where this experience was particularly challenging or draining have made their invaluability in my mind clear.  At the same time, I have frequently seen my own failings as a person in terms of the relationships I have not kept up simply because it was inconvieniant.  Finally, I have seen my perception of a great many acquaintainces change.  To explain- I think in a sense I just find it more difficult to speak with an old college buddy living off somewhere doing a 9-5 job, going out all the time, and living the post-college yuppie life less enjoyable than my occassional short conversations with the Phd student, the forth year night school law student,  the family member, or the significant other.

In some ways I think I may be getting colder.  At certain points in this process I sat with my mom near tears over my frustration with the whole process, but somewhere along the line I had to move past that frustration and the result I think may be a person who forces himself to see things in less emotional terms.  I suppose it is not surprising though- the first day of law school you learn to in many ways suspend you ethics and assume the role of the advocate of any position regardless of right or wrong.  At this point, in my limited work experience I can say that I have done work for both the right, the wrong, and the completely absurd and meritless.

In the end, I know that looking ahead I can only wonder what changes are to come and hope for the best.

Vonnegut

I really love Kurt Vonnegut.  I am reading Slaughterhouse 5 right now and I am enjoying it tremendously.  In fact, over the course of the past 3 days I have nearly finished the book.  Which is not to say that I have been slacking off- it's just not a very long book.

There are certain books or authors like Vonnegut that I feel like reading their books is like eating cool ranch doritos- I just can never get enough and I always enjoy them.

Vonnegut, particularly in Slaughterhouse 5 has so many great little lines and funny thoughts and concepts.  I frequently feel like flagging paragraphs and reposting them here on the ol' blog, but I finally came to the conclusion that is probably some sort of copyright problem and instead I just urge you all to buy your own copy of this book.

The Burlington Post

I should have posted about this a wicked long time ago.  But...I just never had time.

This post is in some ways a review, but more so it is a big thank you.

A few weeks ago my girlfriend Wendy informed me I should, "keep Sunday open," because she was planning to surprise me.  She did such a good job of taking care of the surprise element that she led me believe that on sunday night we would be going on a hay ride in Providence with some people that she/we know in Providence.

Then, on Friday night she arrived in Providence and since it was Halloween weekend she suggested we head to Target to buy some scary movies.  Once we neared the target though she asked if we could go to Sports Authority. 

Wanting to please the lovely Wendy I took her to Sports Authority where she told me she needed to, "buy some running pants."  However, in a shocking turn of events she told me that the surprise was that she had rented a car, reserved a room, and we were heading to Burlington, VT!  My response: So you don't need running pants?  Seriously though, I was shocked and thrilled.  For those of you not aware I love the state of Vermont.  LOVE.  So as a mid semester present to me she had decided we should head up to the biggest damn city in the best damn state of Vermont- Burlington.

Highlights:

the car we rented was a 2005 Passat:
This car was so sweet.  It made the drive to Burlington awesome and all I have to say is that a.  I want a Passat now and b.  Wendy-- you are awesome JUST for renting me this car.

We arrived in Burlington hours later after having an enjoyable morning drive and we hit up the Magic Hat Brewery while we waited for our room.  The brewery was extremely cool and I love their beer (fans: send me #9).  After that we went to the small guest house where we were going to stay.  The woman who ran the place had a daughter at New York Law, this of course ended in a barrage of annoying questions about whether I would be, "trying out for law review,"  or a clerkship, or moot court, or... however the woman was redeemed by the fact that she had the most  amazingly well behaved dog I have ever seen.  The room was extrememly comgfortable  and the bed was so nice I would move there right now.   Also this experience led Wendy and I realize our status as a "power-couple" by introducing ourselves as a law student and an investment banker.

That night we went out and checked out down town Burlington and had something to eat while we watched all of the locals and college students in entertaining halloween costumes.  Wendy can comment on some of the more funny costumes but one that sticks out in my mind was a guy wearing this big white role of styrofoam with a ribbon around the center who was a "bill" ala school house rock.  hilarious.

The next morning we walked along Lake Champlain.  There were ducks flying around and the water was a crystal clear that you rarely see.  The air was delightfully brisk.

On the way home, Wendy and I stopped at Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Factory for a tour.  The tour was a cool end to the trip.  I have always been curious about Ben and Jerry's and it the whole tour is really inspiring as a real average joe success story as well as an example of financial success while adhering to "Vermont" values. 

On the downside while we were at Ben and Jerry's there was this really annoying couple which consisted of a guy who looked like he wore ribbed fitted t-shirts and a woman who was well...idiotic.  As we left they were driving a Hummer with RI plates. 

I do not think I need to tell you much more about these people to prove my point.

In conclusion- Burlington was an awesome city.  I would love to move there because it was so pleasant, clean, and I love the climate. 

Finally:  To the person I owe this beautiful present, a beautiful woman:

Also- Wendy-- I love you-  thank you for an awesome surprise.

Home for Break

Mr. Manners

At my high school there was this incredibly overstated custom of holding doors for people.  I know this probably sounds ridiculous if you are reading this and you did not go to my high school, but I am telling you-- it was a really a bit absurd at times.  Part of this had to do with the fact that the campus was a collection of a whole bunch of small buildings rather than one big building so as a result, in between classes there was always a rush of people entering and exiting buildings walking down covered walkways that connected the buildings.  People would hold the door for an extremely long time, even if the person coming down the walkway was 50 feet away or more.  Our headmaster even made a comment about this little custom one time saying it was evidence of the strong sense of community at our school (questionable at best).

I remember specifically this one time that I was in a hurry and I did not hold the door for some people behind me (they were literally 20 feet away, still walking down the stairs) and as I was rushing away from the door (now 30 feet or so from the door) some kid yelled at me for not holding the door for the girl that had been "behind me."  At the time I was very embarrassed for being impolite, although later I put two and two together and realized that the guy who had yelled at me was just trying to impress the girl he was with that day.

I would not claim to be any expert on manners.  I have had one or two people tell me I do not have "social graces" (these people usually just suck though).  Don't get me wrong-- I am a clutz, I endorse burping, and farting is cool with me if no ladies are around.  People even accuse me of making an "I hate you" face and intimidating people on a regular basis.  All that being said-- I think too many people just don't care about being pleasant and being nice any more.  Don't get me wrong-- I know you're in a hurry, and I know the person you are holding the door for may not know you or may even suck-- but so what.

My dad always had this little sign on his desk that said, "What makes people different?  Habits and Assumptions."  My point about manners is that I think a lot of people just assume it does not make any difference any more if you are rude or polite- and more to the point-- they assume that being thoughtful won't be appreciated by anyone.  In terms of the habit prong of the maxim, I think that despite my strange past with holding the door-- I do it out of habit most of the time now.  Sure, there are times when I am in a hurry or I am having a bad day and I forget, but by and large I hold the door as a habit.  I barely even think about it most of the time now. 

My theory is that a lot of these little things like saying please and thank you, holding the door, etc., if you get in the habit of doing it, the marginal cost of doing it will eventually be close to zero-- chances are you will probably stop even making the conscious decision to do it and instead you'll just do it automatically.

Taking It To the Next Level

So Wendy and I have been dating for almost three months now.  Things are going really well.  Wendy has met my mom and I have met her parents.  Many respective  friend introductions and the pilgrimage to eachother's hometown are long past.  I feel great and well- my heart is all a flutter.  Life is good and law school seems a lot less bleak.  Accoding to my mom I've stopped saying "like" quite as much as well and I'd like to think my room is less messy.  To the point- I'm crazy about Wendy, thus- time to take it to "the Next Level."

So how does one take it to the Next Level?  I've considered several options.  We could move in together, but we live nearly an hour apart and both have leases, roommates, and other respective commitments.  Plus, logistically I would lose the always essential element of surprise with this one.  I would either have to tell Wendy ahead of time about my plan, or I would have to move out all of her stuff while she was at work probably resulting in her thinking apartment had been robbed and although that result would likely result in surprise and sobbing-- that really is not the variety of tears and surpise I am aiming for with this scheme. 

Since I don't think we can make the grand gesture of co-habitation at this point, I think the next best thing is joint ownership.  Yes, from a legal perspective, what could be more intimate than the joint ownership of some type of property.  Wendy can't drive and I already have a car, plus I am broke- so that is straight out.  A condo is once again ruled out because of the aforementioned barriers to  co-habitation.  I considered a vacation condo at Aspen, but I figure my student loan money would be better spent on my tuition.  Finally it occurred to me- what could we both own but also nurture and imprint with out respective personalities?  That's right: a jointly own pet.

Once I had settled on the pet category, next came the considerations of what sub-genus of pet we should own together.

Cats.  I don't really like cats to be honest with you.  First of all they break my cardinal rule that only humans should deficate indoors.  On top of that- cats have crappy personalities.  Maybe I have had bad experiences, but I am pretty much limited to my grandmother's cat Squat and Sam, the cat that Matt had that lived with us for about a month or so.  Squat was possibly the worst cat ever and lived under my Grandmother's porch outside of Memphis, TN and let me tell you, I can't blame the cat for being pissed off about that- but nonetheless he was not a pleasant pet.  Sam was cool, but in the short time he damaged an enormous amount of Matt's stuff including a full length mirror he shattered, along with numerous glasses, and the our former shower curtain.  Sam also constantly tried to kill my short lived goldfish and scratched at my door whenever I would close it, only to scratch at it again to be let out of my room.  Don't get me wrong- Sam was cool, as far as cats go.  The thing about cat-people is that they always tell you how cats are so smart and how they are like people.  These people are idiots.  The absolute last thing I would want as a pet is another person, in fact I can barely stand most people, so the last thing I need is a small furry person that craps in a sandbox inside my apartment.  Moving on...

Dogs.  I love dogs.  Growing up I had (each at different times) two weimaramers and a dalmation, Patch, who recently passed away.  I suppose I will always share some of my father's anti-pet tendancies, a man who wanted to name our dog patch "damned dog" in order to, "just simplify things."  No matter what a pet is an animal that you are letting into your house and you need to recognize that and the fact it will likely crap on your carpet and eat your new sneakers and the five dollar bill you left on the counter, but that being said- there is no animal I genuinely have affection for like dogs.  I honestly will never feel like a house I live in is really a home unless there is a dog there, which is especially tough since the death of Patch this spring.  That being said- Wendy had a dog with her ex-boyfriend.  I want to be original.  I don't want this relationship to follow past bad patterns.  I don't want to live in the past or relive failed or tragic moments.  I will not live in the past.  I am not trying to measure up to anyone else or be someone else.  Getting a dog would just make it seem like I am attempting to be the new version of the ex, and frankly, that's a thought that not only didn't cross my mind, but now that it does- it revolts me-- thus:  dogs are off the list for the moment.

Fish:  The next thing that occurred to me was a fish.  Wendy tells me that Koi fish can live to be as long as 100 years and are a symbol of longevity.  In addition, apparently a lot of punk rock fans get tatoos of koi fish and Wendy is a huge fan of punk rock.  Unforunately, the fish idea runs into a few snags.  First of all it appears both Wendy and I are both tremendously skilled at killing fish.  The only fish I have ever had were when I was very young and those fish were kept by the bar sink and essentially kept alive by my mom.  Almost all these fish died in the same fashion- jumping out of the tank and into the bar sink, to be found flopping around by one of my two parents making coffee.  I also had a fish I won at the pub earlier this year and although I managed to fight off Sam (the cat)'s attempt to kill him, the fish eventually died when I went skiing or something (I don't really remember).  Wendy also told me in college a boyfriend got her two goldfish as a present which dies within 24 hours-- again-- I have no desire to follow in someone else's footsteps, plus I don't want whatever I get to die a premature death.  Another snag in the fish situation is the transportability problem.  As Wendy and I live a small distance from each other, I am not sure how the whole fish co-ownership thing would work out.  The only thing I can picture is something like a mason jar on a string around my neck when I took the bonanza bus to Boston ala What About Bob? (classic Bill Murray film), but I am pretty sure Wendy would not be very keen on this situation.

Bird.  I know it's wrong.  I know it's sort of sick.  I just can't help looking at every bird and thinking of chicken.  Therein lies the essential problem, I cannot own something I know is edible and likely pretty tasty.  I know you probably see priceless $3000 macaw, but I see something not too far from a cornish game hen.  In addition, birds have to be in a cage with newspaper-- again breaking my cardinal rule about crapping inside.  On top of all that I remember my sister having some parakeet or something that was wicked annoying.  Birds are off the list- next.

Guinea Pig.  I feel bad, Wendy mentioned a recent news article about how a town near where she lived where guinea pigs were breeded was shut down by the FDA, but I can't remember or find the site.  The bottom line though is even without the involvement of a major government administrative agency, I can't stand rodents.  I am pretty sure God only put rodents on earth to annoy people and keep us in line.  The threat of plague and infestation by disease carrying rodent has served as motivation throughout the ages for humans to clean up after themselves; thus it mystifies me why anyone would want to WELCOME one of these pests into there homes. 

Pot Belly Pig.  Mostly I am throwing this in here for the obligatory American Psycho reference (Christmas party scene).  I am not sure where you would actually find one of these things.  Also, Wendy is half Vietnamese and I am almost positive pot belly pigs come from Vietnam so that might be sort of cool in some kind of extremely strained coincidence kind of way.   I am not convinced this is really for us though.  Again, the fact is I will always look at any pig and thing of bacon and that my friend is far too powerful a thought to keep any living creature alive.

Hamster.  Again, I don't get why people have these things in the first place.  IT'S A RAT YOU IDIOT!  I never had one of these things as a kid and I never wanted one.  All I can think of when I see these things is college psychology, an absolute joke of a course that my friend Garrett and I took in order to fulfill our lab requirement, an unfortunate by product of our liberal arts education.  We would have to drive out to the Psychology lab building which was the only off campus building at our extremely small college.  We had to administer a series of test to a small white rat that involved some kind of sugar tabet reward situation that smacked of a  Department of Labor violation.  The class was filled with freshmen and was an absolute nightmare except for the fact that our rat was apparently utterly brilliant and finished every test in record time and we had a pledge in the lecture section of our class with a girlfriend majoring in psychology.  In the end Garrett and I got the notes to lecture before every test from the pledge's girlfriend and our rat got killed regardless of his brilliance.  The whole thing is a sad commentary on elitism in our society.  In conclusion, I refuse to own anything rat like.

The Solution.  I know what you are thinking dear reader.  You are despondant.  Worried.  On edge.  Anxious that the fair Wendy will leave your faithful correspondant due to his inability to settle on an appropriate pet.  Fear not.

It was last week.  I was sitting at my cube at my summer internship.  Just another mindless drone in corporate American- sticking it to the Man by slacking off for a few moments and reading my dear roommate Matt's webpage.  It hit me.  I know it may seem a bit odd to all you non computer literate using troglodytes, but Wendy and I initially started talking with the aid of the now wildly popular website www.myspace.com that was purchased by Rupert Murdoch's NewsCorp (a company I was once a share holder in) for an estimated 600 million dollars.  Matt compared the invention of MySpace to the invention of the pet rock a wildly popular fad during one of those decades before I was born.  The thing is-- the pet rock is referred to in the epic movie Office Space (and by Matt in his post) as a way in which an average man invented something that delivered an average man from his tedium as an average office employee into a level of financial stability that allowed him to escape the nonesensical situation of most professions.  Given my recent comments about careers and wanting to spend time with my family, friends, and girlfriend-- what better representation of my feelings than the Pet Rock, a pet that represents the dream of independance from the bullshit of office life and meaningless designations and oppression.

I love you Wendy.  I'd like to name him Murry if that's ok with you.

J.P. Goes Corporate (Again)

My original plan for this summer centered around being admitted into the United States Air Force J.A.G. "One Year" Program- a program where rising third year law students can apply to the J.A.G. program and do part of their training over the summer between their second and third year and finish law school as an ROTC cadet (or something like that).  Anyways- the Air Force made the terrible mistake of not taking me.  Obviously I could reapply when I graduate from law school for direct appointment; however, the failure of the Air Force to recognize my genius has shaken my confidence that I would want to be employed by such a misguided organization.

I learned that I would not be flying high with the Air Force when I called the Pentagon during my exam periods to see what the hold up was with my rejection letter.  I was informed by a man with a delightful southern drawl that my letter had apparently been sent out telling me I was not chosen, but not to feel bad because competition for the corps was "keen" (it said that in the letter itself as well for some reason). 

Regardless, I learned this fact as I was studying for my last exam, despite the fact I told myself I would resist the temptation to call for results.  Thanks to some help from a friend I ended up landing a last minute internship at a pretty good sized company not far from Providence in their legal department.

So far I have been really happy with the job, though the work itself is somewhat dry (reading through contracts); however, the attorneys that I work for are a good combination of high qualifications and pleasant personalities, which I realize is rare.

After leaving the company I worked at last year while going to school as a night student, I never expected to be back at a large office or large company and actually be liking it- but so far so good here.  It seems to prove that the quality of your work experience often has to do with the quality of the people you are working for at any given time.

Dear Wendy

Dear Wendy,

At one time I was full of mildly amusing neurotic comments.  I wrote them here on this webpage and people found them amusing.  Granted, my thoughts were generally fairly shallow and vapid, but I was ok with that. 

But then I met you.  Instead of writing about the funny aspects of online legal research or how much T.V. catfood commercials offend me, I want to write emails to you about how cute you are or how I liked the cookies you made me.

To the rest of you who read this page and actually liked it, what I can I say, please direct your complaints to this girl:

I will do my best to continue to come up with quality material.  Nonetheless Wendy, I think you're worth it.  Even this note could probably be funnier, but that picture has me all sapped out.  You've ruined my webpage.

Regards,
J.P.
Assistant Director
M.A.S. Inc.